Lost Magic

Sometimes I catch myself missing the novelty of my teenage years. Does that make any sense? I miss the way even the littlest of things felt like they mattered so much. 

I remember sitting on the car roofs watching the stars and listening to old music, feeling like the world was filled with so much wonder. 

I used to drive through town with friends, with no destination in mind, thinking about how we had the whole world at our fingertips. 

A night spent smoking a joint and having a deep talk felt like it would never end. Even parties felt meaningful. Kisses felt adventurous, secrets felt deep, and days felt full. 

I just FELT more then I guess. 

Driving with the windows down, listening to a great song at full volume, seeing the ocean with the sand in my toes. None of it feels as magical anymore. 

Experiences roll off me like water lately, never penetrating deeper than surface level. 

Do I feel old because I’m depressed or depressed because I’m old?