Something Short

… Because I haven’t written in a while. (And because I’m feeling mildly anxious!!!!)

I’m going out this weekend for the first time in almost a month and I’m very nervous about it. As I’m sure I’ve explained before, my bottled up emotions expose themselves in very inappropriate, anxiety-ridden ways when drink… i.e. I get very stuck inside my own head, I replay really negative thoughts to myself over and over, I usually cry a lot, then feel super anxious and embarrassed about crying, realize I’m unable to openly express what lead to said crying, and by that point the night is ruined and I’m lucky if one of my friends notices and decides to take me home.

This endless cycle has been occurring more and more frequently over the past year or so and at this point I basically expect it to happen the minute I’m drunk. I know a lot of people use drinking as a way to escape their problems but likkkkkke my question to those people is: HOW DO YOU DO IT???? If only that was the case for me WOW would my life be a dream.

Anyways, I started a new medication for my anxiety/depression a few weeks ago and I haven’t drank since I started it so I am also very apprehensive about that!! ! ! ! Yikes! !

This post really has little to no point, and I wrote is in about 2 minutes without even checking to see if any of it was grammatically correct (heh sry low quality content!) But I am sitting on the train on the way to the beach for the weekend, and I’m silently PANICKING about the fact that I don’t want to socialize and that I will probably ruin the weekend by crying once again. And the kicker is my therapist keeps telling me I need to try harder to put myself out there. I DON’T WANNA, OK.

*insert upside down smiley face*

But seriously does anyone have any tips and tricks to being more carefree when you drink?? LMK I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET! ! ! K wish me luck, thnx.

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